Obama Before and After Funny Hairlines
Yo mama is so ugly that she made Barack Obama lose hope!
Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so.
He remind him of Trivette...
I asked Barack Obama if we could get together later, and he said Yes We Can!
Why does Japan love Obama?
He is first Barack president.
So Obama calls Romney....
And says, I got good news and bad news. Romney says "What is it?" Obama says "Well the good news is I think it's time for a Mormon president." "That's great Barack! What's the bad news?" Obama chuckles and says "My baptism is next Sunday"
Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship...
Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!?
The answer: AMERICA!!!
Obama
The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama.
Did you here about the two faces being added to MT. Rushmore?
Barack Obama!
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders...
...the doorman says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?" Obama says, "I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back."
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
You can explore barack obama palin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean barack obama inauguration dad jokes. There are also barack obama puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?
Oh no Michelle !
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
What did the homeless man say to Barack Obama?
"Can I have some 'change'?"
You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...
Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.
Why do the birthers...?
Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)?
Because Barack Obama is black.
I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II
...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures.
Hollywood is remaking the classic film "Who dares wins"
This time however it is not about the SAS, but Barack Obama visiting Dallas in an open top limo.
So Donald Trump wants Barack Obama and Bill Gates to talk about shutting down the internet.
Shouldn't Al Gore be a part of that conversation?
Barack Obama
1,000,000 people showed up to his inauguration, only 14 missed work.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.
After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
Hillary went for dinner with Barack Obama the other day
I heard he was very polite, but hillary brought her own private server.
What does Barack Obama say when his workweek is done?
Yes weekend
What did Barack say to Michele when he asked her to marry him?
I don't wanna be Obama self.
When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass.
That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
Obama ran around the whitehouse with Biden.
Their total time was 9:48. When they had finished Biden said "Hey Barack, did we beat the record?" Out of breath Obama said "No, Bush did 9:11"
How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008.
What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president?
She will file for divorce.
And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president?
He'll have the White House repainted.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
Honestly, I'm just amazed he managed to pull it off.
When he first ran for president, nobody thought he could do it. When he started gaining in the polls, we all "knew" how it would end. But he showed us we were all wrong.
Congratulations to Barack Obama going eight years without being shot.
What did Hillary say when she bumped into Barack Obama at the White House?
Pardon me.
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing...
After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered.
"How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?" Asked Obama. "They don't bite you at all!"
Putin smiled knowingly and replied: "They're not allowed to".
What did Edward Snowden say when he bumped into Barack Obama?
Pardon me
Where does Obama keep his armies?
In the Baracks.
What did Barack Obama write inside his Valentines card?
"I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"
I had a chat with Barack Obama today...
My mum was confused as to why I was talking to the microwave.
Barack Obama:
Most of the time, all he wanted was to be invisible.
"Now, let me be clear."
What would Obama's wrestling name be?
Dwayne "Barack" Johnson
Just last week a smiling Barack Obama overpaid for hot dogs at my stand, but kindly insisted I "keep the change, son, I don't want it"
It was at this moment I realized how far our beloved president had truly fallen.
What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed to her?
I don't want to be Obama self.
Lonely Obama
What is the previous president, Mr. Barack's, go to song when he is lonely?
.
.
O-ba-ma-self..don't wanna be!
What did Barack Obama say after he was asked if he had a favorite type of nut?
..."Yes. Pe. Can!"
What is President Obama's favorite genre of music?
Barack 'n Roll.
Ba dum tss.
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.
Barack Obama walks into a Subaru dealership...
The salesman asked him, "What are you looking for?"
Obama says, "I'm looking for a replacement because my legacy got wrecked."
Does anyone know what Barack Obama's favorite nut is?
Yes, pecan!
What is Obama's favorite vegetable?
Barack-oli
what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?
Trump likes to pretend they don't exist
So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to crash.
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
A man dies, goes to heaven, and sees a wall full of clocks.
The man asks God what all the clocks are for, and God explains, "these are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's George Washington's", God answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating he never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
God responds. "That's Barack Obama's. The hands move, but very rarely, which means he doesn't lie much in his life."
"Where is Donald Trump's clock?" the man asks.
"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office," God says. "He uses it as a fan."
It's time now America brought their retired professionals back to sort out this virus mess...
Like doctors, nurses, Barack Obama. ..
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?
One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!
How do get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?
Tell him Barack Obama installed it.
Joe : Barack....
Joe : Barack....
Obama : yes Joe, we have to go our on ways after our term is over.
Joe : I'll miss you man. I'm going to be....
Obama : Don't you say it !
Joe : I'm going to be ... *cries* .....*sobs*.
Obama : don't you ever say it !
Joe : it's just.... I'm going to be... *sighs*
Joe : OBAMASELFFF
Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'
Had me a Barack Obama valentines day.
Obama self.
What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?
Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.
What did Republicans think was so terrible about Barack's presidency?
It was an Obama-nation!
Source: https://jokojokes.com/barack-obama-jokes.html
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